Love & Progress in the City of Angels

As soon as my fingers landed on this keyboard writing on this entry for my beloved HanSarang Movement, I forgot what it was like to write for myself and talk about anything that I want in this space right here.

Ahhh..It feels like home.

It is now June 25th, 2010, making it four months and twenty four days that I've been here in Los Angeles. It's only been about a third of a year but already it feels like I've been here for a lifetime. Since I landed, every single day has been filled with auditions, callbacks, a few landed gigs, taking a wonderful acting class at Beverly Hills Playhouse, networking with the Asian American community here in the city and meeting some truly wonderful, beautiful people along the way, getting my car window smashed in and broken into, working as an enumerator at the U.S. Census Bureau, hot mess fights with my very emotionally moody roommate who has an Asian men fetish, writing for an Asian American online publication, and so many more adventures and misadventures that I rather end this incredibly long sentence right now than drag it on any further.

All of this in my pursuit to become an actor and social justice activist.

It's been particularly rough taking my chance to be an actor and I can only say that I am extremely blessed to have supporting friends back in Virginia, South Korea, Los Angeles, and from all over who is cheering me on. But most importantly, I am blessed to have an understanding mother and father who supports me emotionally and financially. I've always had a reluctant relationship with them in the past but for them to be so supportive of what I am doing now by myself here in Los Angeles, it means the world to me.

I am not represented by any agency nor do I have a pile of gigs coming up. Then again, this is a story that can be shared with countless, hard-working actors out there right now. The journey to accomplish this has never been an easy journey in the first place and ties directly to the reason why life has never been boring here.

Yet despite the hardships and obstacles, I feel good because I know I have love and support from so many. I feel good because I know my other passion as a social justice activist keeps me strong and no matter what happens, I will do my utmost best to make the best for myself. I feel good because I have a wonderful acting class at Beverly Hills Playhouse with an astounding teacher who I am learning so much from.

So let's take the last sentence off and carry on that thought.

Beverly Hills Playhouse is this acting class that lots of known actors in the past have been taught under in the past and was created by Milton Kaselas. Okay, history lesson done.

During my two months in this class, I have met truly dedicated actors and performers who put their absolute best in their scenes, even with all the baggage and drama they got going on in their lives. I have met a fabulous acting teacher by the name of Art Cohan who told me to look beyond my Asian skin and find characters and roles that I relate to internally, because that's what matters the most. If there's anything I can boil down for this class, it's that it's filled with love and with all this love, it has inspired me to be the best goddamn actor I can be. It has also inspired me to be the best goddamn human being I can be as well. That's how great this class is.

I am most fortunate to have met such people here in the City of Angels and elsewhere, with particular shout outs to Lac Su, Kate Agathon,Emily Wu, Steve Nguyen, Sabina England, Kristina Wong, Beau Sia, and so many more.

Love. That's what it's all about. That's what keeps me going and I just know that I gotta do my best and pay it forward.

Welcome Back

It's been nearly two months since I wrote my last entry and it's been too long. After writing furiously for 8Asians, Projekt Newspeak, and now with my 3rd responsibility as an APEX blogger, I realize that I need to return back to the HanSarang Movement, the place that got me started.

It's good to be back home.

A Better World?

If there is one thing I first learned about being an activist is that there is no glorious finish line to cross, there is no final war or enemy to vanquish... there is no happy ending.

There will always be cruelty, ignorance, prejudice, hatred, and violence in this world, and the purpose of the activist is to constantly be updated about such events. They must know such things so that they can speak out about it, to fight against it, and to let it be known so that action can be taken.

It is equally burdening for activists when people from their own community will attack them for their efforts and declare that they are only a problem, not the solution. While it can be noble and courageous to be outspoken, it only makes the activist a more vulnerable target for others to spit on and mock.

The life of an activist is a lonely one and it's so tempting to just forget about it all, to just fuck the people you're trying to help since they don't give a shit anyways, and enjoy a life of ignorance and bliss and eat Cinnabons all day.

I guess I'm being bit of a Debbie Downer, huh? I might as well the full story but as you read this, please keep in mind that I mean no disrespect to the individual who I am talking about and that despite whatever happened, I will always respect him, his work, and his passion to help out the APA community.

The Future of Ethnic Studies

The field of ethnic studies have grown tremendously during the past 40 years, ever since it first came into existence during the 1960's. Despite the many arguments for and against ethnic studies, it has opened up the horizons of what it means to be an American, to be a person of color...to be a human being living in a world that is constantly changing around us.

A friend brought up his opinion where the name "Ethnic Studies" is a bit silly. As soon as he said that, it triggered a feeling that I had for a long time and that is that I feel the exact same way. Sure it may be an easy way to describe the many fields dedicated to various ethnicities but the name that brings their common element altogether, in my frank opinion, sounds a bit exotic and outdated.

I say this because we are in a time where we have a black President and by 2050, everybody will be a minority in the United States. When this time comes, do we still keep the name of "Ethnic Studies"? "Minority Studies" won't really work either when 2050 comes since we will all be minorities. What happens when we are living in a world where everybody is of mixed heritage and it goes beyond having ties with just one or two or three ethnicities? How about eight? There is a saying that when that time comes, we have no choice but to just call ourselves "humans".

I think I would like that future...

Freedom to Express Racial Identity & Mental Health Issues

Some parts of this post have been recycled from the entry: "YouTube/Google Restricts Racial Identity Expressions" but new material have been added as well as a new perspective to where I am right now. My personal crusade against YouTube is over because after much consideration, I realize I don't need to waste my time on it. Unlike organizations with the weight of thousands of members, I am just an individual with a little poem and with just that as my luggage, I have the freedom to tell my story to whoever will listen. So with that said, here is the revision and conclusion of "YouTube/Google Restricts Racial Identity Expressions".

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The First Amendment is a right that we as Americans hold dearly with pride. But at the same time, this right comes with its own limitations and hypocrisies. You can't falsely yell "FIRE" in a public facility nor can you publicly declare that you want to assassinate the President. These things will immediately get you in serious trouble. However, the KKK can rally in a neighborhood even if nobody wants them there, and anti-abortionists can wave around bloody fetus dolls. While these voices are frowned upon, nevertheless, they have the right to express what they need to say. Yet there have been times when highly controversial opinions have been silenced because they dared to say something different, especially when it comes to matters that make people uncomfortable.

Two weeks ago, I uploaded a spoken word piece on YouTube that pertained to my former self-hatred as a Korean-American, my unfathomable connection with the VA tech shooter, Seung-Hui Cho, and as a result, me finding love and acceptance with my racial identity. The poem was titled: "To Seung-Hui Cho". The poem was not about condoning or glorifying Seung-Hui but rather how his life and mental health issues inexplicably found a connection with my own troubled youth. I put a warning in the description box that the poem would be very controversial and that it required the viewers to listen with an open mind and heart. This is the poem in its written form:

Asian Activism Banned By Major Corporations

On March 14th, 2010, YouTube/Google banned my spoken poetry piece "To Seung-Hui Cho" because it violated their guidelines for inciting violence and hate speech. I will not be quiet, I will stand up and fight.

But today, another major corporation shuts down another Asian American voice. I got word from a fellow activist that Facebook shut down a facebook group called: People Against Racebending: Protest of the Cast of The Last Airbender Movie. The group has been around since the early days of the protest against the whitewashed casting of M. Night Shymalan's live action adaptation of the "The Last Airbender" and as of last week had almost 6,000 members. The original cartoon show featured Asian and Inuit characters, heroes portrayed by people of color and as such, the show was celebrated for its inclusive diversity. This group was formed because in the movie version, the ethnicities of its Asian and Inuit characters are erased and put to the background while Paramount cast white actors to play lead characters of color. Racebending is calling out to all of its members to boycott the movie when it comes out. They have had an impressive following and stood firm despite many oppositions. On March 15th, 2010, Facebook sent the owners of the group this message:

The group “People Against Racebending: Protest of the Cast of The Last Airbender Movie” has been removed because it violated our Terms of Use. Among other things, groups that are hateful, threatening, or obscene are not allowed. We also take down groups that attack an individual or group, or advertise a product or service. Continued misuse of Facebook’s features could result in your account being disabled.

The Racebending staff has issued a statement Facebook to ask what the facebook group exactly violated. While Facebook does respond to its users every now and then, YouTube/Google has not been kind enough to put a customer service contact and their phone number points people to useless information that they do not need. My battle with YouTube will continue but I cannot expect them to put up my original video back...only my response titled "YouTube/Google Restricts Racial Identity Expressions" will hold. The people can only wait if Facebook will ever respond and explain why the group was removed.

Action will be taken and this incident will go public if two things happen: if there is no response in seven days or if Facebook does declare that the Racebending group is indeed offensive and deserves to be taken down while groups that dedicate itself to assassinating Obama are still up.

I am already doing that for YouTube/Google because they don't care about their users at all (I can only say this because there is NO way to actually contact YouTube when it comes to customer service). I hope the same can't be said for Facebook.

"Know Your Enemy" by Rage Against the Machine is my mood right now. Fight the power, fight the system that dares to silence us.